This weekend the YNow kids and I went *camping* at Harbin Hot Springs. Harbin is a little hippie getaway north of San Francisco. Clothing is optional.

Yep, I spent the weekend with a bunch of naked people. I am very self-conscious about my body. Usually even wearing a swimsuit in front of people is stressful for me so I wasn’t sure how this would unfold.

There were about 20 of us caravaning up to Harbin and my car arrived first. It was a very warm day and the boys took their shirts off immediately. I figured this was my chance to get things started without a big, intimidating audience so I followed their lead (swim top still on). This was probably the most interesting part of the weekend because as the other cars arrived I could feel my self-consciousness increasing, especially as people voiced their surprise that I was so quick to disrobe. Rather than shriek and put my shirt on again, I just stayed with the discomfort until it burned off. I followed the same pattern in taking off my shorts, swim top and finally bottoms. I was naked! It was uncomfortable for a few minutes, but those feelings burned away quickly. I survived!

This weekend was really freeing in a lot of ways. I got much more comfortable with my body and with my friends. The body image edge is a big one for me and this weekend really helped me conquer a big part of it.

My friend D was also nervous about nudity, so we agreed to take our bottoms off at the same time. On the ride home we both felt triumphant over our fear, ready to take on the next challenge. I think this is an important point in spiritual growth: once you’ve taken your pants off, they’re off. Sometimes we get so enamored of the high that comes with breaking down a barrier that we try to repeat it; we keep putting our pants on just to take them off again. D and I left our (figurative) pants at Harbin and said, “Good riddance!” We can now use that power to break through our next edge.

Which brings me to the OneTaste update. I’ve been trying to keep the OT posts to a minimum for a few reasons:

1. My parents read this blog.
2. People from OneTaste read this blog.
3. Other friends read this blog.
4. Laura is not a fan of OneTaste.

OneTaste is the biggest thing going on in my life right now. I have been giving a different story to each of those four groups of people about my experiences there. I’m done with that. For better or worse, I am going to be blogging more about OT and everyone in my life will have equal access to my writing. That’s kind of scary right now, but it feels more authentic.

I’m planning on moving into the OneTaste residency program in July. It will be nearly impossible for me to keep OT out of the blog once I move in. It’s hard to expose things that are truly important to you, that’s why I haven’t shared my decision to move into OT prior to this post. I’m eying the “publish” button on my WordPress dashboard with trepidation. What will happen when I share this with the world?

And thus I remove my pants…

“In other words, all of my books are lies. They are simply maps of a territory, shadows of a reality, gray symbols dragging their bellies across the dead page, suffocated signs full of muffled sound and faded glory, signifying absolutely nothing. And it is the nothing, the Mystery, the Emptiness alone that needs to be realized: not known but felt, not thought but breathed, not an object but an atmosphere, not a lesson but a life.”

Ken Wilber

Here you go: http://www.gamesvine.com/random/IngeniousPersonalityQuiz/

Make sure your pop-up blocker is on.

I came out as a 5 on this quiz, although I am more likely a 1.

I spend a considerable amount of time chained to a computer during the week. Of course I use that time to expand my consciousness and educate myself on global affairs of the highest order. For example, I thoroughly enjoy using Google Trends to find out which countries are perviest. (Yeah, I made that word up. Feel free to adopt it as your own.)

Let’s see Google Trends in action: Take a relatively benign term like “sexy feet” and you learn that Syrians are foot fetishists. Who’d have guessed?

Pakistanis seem to be into “college girls“, the Dutch are “kinky“, and Italians love their “escorts“.

See kids, learning about other cultures can be fun!

However, I hereby warn you that you might get creepy insights into yourself if you play with Google Trends too much. When checking out “vegan” I was surprised to see my hometown of Pleasanton, California as the #2 location for that search term, while “raw food” has Pleasanton at #3. It got even more bizarre when I checked “Ken Wilber“, Pleasanton was #2 again! I thought it couldn’t get any stranger, until I tried “One Taste“, and Pleasanton came up at #1. Clearly, I am a product of my environment. Ha!

“Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play”

Emily just posted a beautiful retrospective of our time in SF and wrote quite a touching post. I’m feeling all squirmy and don’t know what to do. I’m really touched.

I called a friend a couple of nights ago in hysterics. Through my sobs I confessed, “I don’t want to move. I miss Emily already. Who will go to Trader Joe’s with me? What about when it’s time to do laundry or go to the dry cleaners? Who will patiently explain to me about ‘cool things’ that I don’t understand, like gangster rap, California slang and steam punk? Who will try to convince me to go dancing? Who will I run errands with?” My list went on and on. Even now when I think about leaving I feel overwhelming emotion.

Emily is the most generous, warm hearted and kind person I’ve met. She has taught me how to look truthfully and kindly at myself and others. She has embodied generosity– being willing to give honestly and freely without a second thought. She has an infectious curiosity that takes her to all sorts of little known areas of her inner and outer life. Emily often embodies compassion. But she doesn’t embody some weak form of compassion that just tries to sooth all pain. She is deeply truthful and uses her compassion to point out the truth. Truth is often painful and it takes a strong and spiritual person that is willing to speak honestly with us, to pay attention and to not let us get away with not seeing. Emily always challenges me to be sincere, especially when I use some vacant spiritual-sounding quip to justify my less than ideal actions. A friend who is willing to be so compassionate, truthful, generous and loving is extremely rare.

I’ll miss you.

“I just ate something off the table. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I thought it was chocolate. I was correct, so it was successful.” - E

“You are not cool. You have other redeeming qualities, you are just not cool” - E to Me

“The Buddha?! You’re gonna listen to him? What does he know?!” -E

“You can be my Peace Corps colleague/roommate/business co-owner/best friend/blogging associate/lesbian lover. Whichever you like best. Ha!” - E

• Laura : you know what Emily just said?
• Laura : she said “i’ve got to hurry up and eat all the mochis I just bought, so J won’t know that I bought them and ate them all already”
• J: i knew it

“It is pretty whimsical. I am sitting on a tall chair, with a giant pink cake wearing overalls” - E

The Way is a limitless vessel;

Used by the self, it is not filled by the world;

It cannot be cut, knotted, dimmed or stilled;

Its depths are hidden, ubiquitous and eternal;

I don’t know where it comes from;

It comes before nature.

Emily Says: Jury Duty - Day 2

Still no jury selection…

I am very proud of myself for completing my first set of work for the new top secret business. Mwahahaha! Taking over the world!

“I’m sorry I am going to have to quit my job. I’m moving into a commune with my lesbian lover. Those capitalist dollars have blood on them.” -E

• Tim: What is the power exchange?
• JS: It’s where one person has the control and then the person who has the control gives the control to the other person who then has the control

“It’s like a dystopian war zone in my room” -E

Today I introduced L to the Flying Kick.

The Flying Kick is a special fighting technique that allows you to attack your opponent without touching him or her.

When you are wearing your Vans with the backs pushed down as slip-ons, you motion a kick at your enemy’s bottom and the shoe will fly off and kick them. It is very effective and hilarious. There is no defense for the Flying Kick.

However, your enemy may retaliate by stealing your shoe.

The Last 12 Hours

• Watched The Office. What up m’nerds?
• Tried to sing Arash to the cabbie
• Went to Bootie which was super fun. Bee Gees+Montell Jordan = Genius
• Slept for 3 hours

I love you buddy. Lush and Grumps forever indeed.

We’re down to the wire. Today is our last day together in the apartment. Laura will be off to Indiana and I will be bumming around the Bay Area until I go to Spain on the 19th. Both of our lives took unexpected turns in the last couple of months we had together. We’ve spent more time apart lately than we have in the past year and a half. I think it was our way of preparing for the shock of the move.

When you spend as much time together as we did, especially last summer, you get to know a person pretty well. Our lives are so intertwined that most of our post-Peace Corps memories involve each other. Ups and downs, big surprises and new paths we never saw ourselves taking have arisen in our time together. I feel like Laura knows me better than anyone ever has. I never have to explain a back-story or give her my rationale for my actions, she already knows. I trust her completely.

Even though I know we will always be friends, it’s just not going to be the same when she leaves. I won’t be able to tell her about my bus rides home. We won’t have our marathon philosophizing sessions. We won’t have our long walks. I won’t say good morning and goodnight to her everyday. It just won’t be the same.

Still, I feel so incredibly lucky to have had this time together. Laura has completely changed my outlook on life and encouraged me to open up and be myself. She is there for me no matter how many times I make the same mistakes. She is the most understanding and insightful person I know. I feel privileged to call her my best friend.

I know that Laura will be successful in whatever she pursues. I look forward to visiting her in Indiana and, of course, Sakartvelo. We’ll still be blogging together and I’ll be calling her often (she’ll probably get sick of my calls), but even though our friendship won’t end tomorrow, this does mark the end of an era.

Please enjoy this retrospective, mainly for our own benefit:

This is gonna be it. Yes, Universe…we’re ready

The Long Tail

მოწყენილი და მთრალი ვარ

“Can I just make a brief interjection to our meeting? It’s unrelated. Laura and I have been officially approved for lesbian lover health coverage” EAB

And what are you by profession?
A peddler
And what do you peddle?
Goods.
Be Gone! You may not peddle goods here.

Emily: What should we do?
Emily: Want to watch TV?
Laura: ehh
Emily: We’re so…
Laura: …
Laura: I dunno what
Laura: so…
Emily: We could talk
Emily: We could have a talk

“I’m gonna buy a grape farm ”

L: We’re both pregnant. Fuck it, man.
I: Jesus Christ. You’re right.

“I can’t believe this is life.” -J

Emily: I think we should get dressed up for our business meeting.
Me: Are we even going to wear shoes?
Emily: Even shoes!

We’re like deconstructionist postmodern hippies. — L

Laura says: hey have you checked out our blog?
MDR says: i looked briefly once
MDR says: i thought it looked dangerous
Laura says: dangerous?
Laura says: why?
MDR says: getting inside your heads? the two of you together? it would be overwhelming

I: Time froze for a year. I don’t want that to happen.
L: Well, it would be weird. I’ll give you that. Like hey, I’m conscious of the passage of time, are you?

It may be that as a couple you find conventional ideas and opinions very unsatisfactory, and you are in a constant state of rebellion against them. — My and L’s joint astrological chart

Of course he fucking lives in a car! — L

L: It’s like the worstly navigatable site I’ve ever seen.
E: That was like the worstly navigatable sentence I’ve ever heard. Is that even a word?

L: Oh, I just made that up.
J: Well we will make ours better for the sake of money.
E: MONEY!

L: Who do I care if I’m late?
E: Who DO you care?
L: WHO do I care?

E: Why is everyone at your work quitting?
L: Going to hell that place is.
E: Do you like how I eat the sesame seeds off my Ak Maks first?
L: Mm hmm. I do like that.

TI: What you know about that?
L: Not a lot.

L: You know what I really need to steal, some of those yellow note pads. Those are useful in a business setting, right?

No, this is called ingenuity. Think Georgia. They use fucking old books as napkins. — L

E: Maybe I’m Truman Capote reincarnated.
L: Why do you say that?
E: The movie said he died in 1984.
L: Yes, but there probably isn’t any time in the universal soul, so you could be anyone. Why would you be him?
E: I don’t know, but I couldn’t be say, Frank Sinatra because he died when I was alive.
L: Yes, but if there really is no time, you could be.
E: Maybe I’m you!!!

I think I can take my life to the next level. I just can’t be lazy and not do it. — L

Everywhere you turn around you’re still hanging around with yourself. — L

I purposely try not to hear of things. — L

I always shower many times. — L

OMG. I’m posting on your wall and I’m sitting next to you! - L

“What up my nerds?!”

As we wrote before, our friend Jarrod Toombs passed away in Feburary. We have a tribute to him here. Our friend John also wrote an eloquent piece about Jarrod here.

We recently received a copy of an essay written by Jarrod. We are making it available to everyone. Happy reading (or more accurately happy decoding- the essay is abstruse).

Figuring Nietzsche and His Illegitimate Daughters, by Jarrod Toombs

As you know, Emily and I are big fans of A.H. Almaas and his Diamond Heart series.

He has a new book coming out next week, The Unfolding Now, and has provided a free preview chapter available online. I haven’t read it yet, but am posting the link anyway– it’s from A.H. so it should be good.

Preview Chapter of The Unfolding Now