I am doing Byron Katie’s Work for a class and I thought I’d share:

Judge-Your-Neighbor

1. Who angers, confuses, saddens or disappoints you, and why? What is it about them that you don’t like?

I don’t like her because she refuses to connect with me, has no remorse for what happened with him, acts like a sneaky witch every time I see her, continues to pursue him, and is mean to my friend. I am confused about why she is hanging around OneTaste. I am disappointed that she won’t be vulnerable enough for us to get some closure around this. I am angry that she makes me angry.

2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

I want her to sincerely apologize for her actions. I want her to stop pursuing him. I want her to be nicer to my friend. I want her to stop sleeping with every guy she meets. I want her to disappear from OneTaste forever. I want her to stop being my shadow.

3. What is it that they should or shouldn’t do, be, think, or feel? What advice could you offer?

She should stop being a sneaky bitch. She should stop acting like a remorseless skank. She should feel compassion for the people whose lives she is effing with. She should think I am way better than her and that she could never steal him away. She shouldn’t think she has a prayer at Teacher Training. She should be afraid of me and try to make me like her.

4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?

I need her to stay the hell away from him. I need for her to make even the slightest effort to be my friend. I need for her to stop being sneaky. I need for her to stop creating conflict in order to get attention. I need for all of my friends to hate her.

5. What do you think of them? Make a list.

She is sneaky. She is a slut. She is worthless. She is a bitch. She is not trustworthy. She is a coward. She preys on people in weak positions. She is a complete bum. She is fake.

6. What is it that you don’t want to experience with that person again?

I don’t want to feel dirty when I look her in the eye. I don’t want to feel like she is an unpredictable psychotic snake. I don’t want to feel like I’m not good enough if she is with him. I don’t want to feel like a fool. I don’t want to feel like she doesn’t give a shit about herself or anyone else.

Inquiry: I don’t like her because she refuses to connect with me.

1. Is it true?

I don’t know. I tell myself it is true. I tell myself that if she would make an effort to open up, I would see something good in her and start to like her. I’m not sure that is true. I think I don’t like her because she is terrible in every way and it baffles me that anyone would like her or that he would be stupid enough to be with her so then I feel like I am not good enough. Like if my friends can like a wench like her, they clearly have terrible judgment and so their approval is worthless in propping up my ego. That’s just great. Good heavens.

2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

No. I have no idea why I hate her so much. It is irrational and confusing.

3. How do I react when I think the thought?

I feel like I am trying too hard and I’m embarrassed. I feel self-righteous, like everything is her fault. I feel smug because I am such a gracious connector to stoop to her level and try to be friends. I feel safe because I know she will not try to connect with me. I feel popular because this story is very useful in making my friends like me better than her. I feel sneaky because I am not being totally honest with anyone and it is all for my personal gain.

4. Who would I be without that thought?

I would be more honest and genuine. I would be closer to my truth. I would not be tricking my friends. I would not be so concerned with other people’s approval. I would be more free. I would take responsibility for my own refusal to connect with her.

5. Turn it around.

I don’t like myself because she refuses to connect with me.

I don’t like her because I refuse to connect with her.

I do like her because she refuses to connect with me.

I don’t like myself because I refuse to connect with her.

I don’t like myself because I refuse to connect with myself.