I just learned about Living Time, by Maurice Nicoll. Here are some questions he poses in the book

What do we think about time?
We exist in a world that we do not understand in the least. What is nature? What is time? What is space? What are we?
We take all for granted. We do not face any real issues in our thinking but catch hold of some ready-made opinion. Do we ever get used to the mystery of time, for instance? Is not the problem of time always in the background of our minds although we can never really think about it? Consider the strange experience that a person was but is no more. Consider our childhood and death. Where is all that which has become was, and all that will be? What is this strange now and then, which when perceived together cause the mind to tremble on the verge of new meaning?

Thanks to my new favorite blog: Astro Inquiry for the info. Check out his recommended books!

Man oh man. Crazy day yesterday. Let me tell you all about it.

After a day of reluctant Tao-following, I had a particularly intense and upsetting conversation about the Universe with my friend D. I had a whole story running around my brain about how I had betrayed someone and made them feel bad. Lots of guilt. So in the course of trying to show me how feeling guilty is totally unnecessary for an infinite being, D starts in on the Universe being meaningless and it’s meaningless that it’s meaningless, etc. Ug.

I don’t do well with meaningless meaninglessness or nothing-nothing. Meaning vs. meaninglessness or nothing vs. something, I can deal with. Nothing-nothing is a very unpleasant place for me. (Yeah yeah, welcome to the non-dual, I know…)

I’m freaking out about this, literally bracing myself against the car repeating, “There is something, there is something…” Coupled with my guilt inducing story of betrayal, not a happy evening.

I finally get out of the car and in this ugly haze get home to see A, the person I supposedly betrayed. Come to find out, the Universe took care of him too. He had not been waiting around for me, but was out with his friend having a great time. Upon finding this out, something snapped into view for me and I could see exactly how the Universe orchestrated the entire day. There was something but that fact was nothing in and of itself. It was nothing for there to be something. Or something…

My body freaked out at this point. I sort of went limp and A had to hold me in his lap for a few minutes. Then I was getting ready to cry over the whole thing but as I started to sob a giggle came out instead. I started laughing uncontrollably and laughing hard. I could barely breathe. It felt like I was melting away. A sort of put his legs across me to ground me. I could feel currents of energy running through my body and out my hands. I kept putting them near his face and cackling, “Can you feel it? Can you feel the energy?” It was completely insane.

Finally I came down and was able to function and talk. I’m still feeling a bit giddy over the whole thing today. Pretty neat.

Was it a “peak experience“? I’m inclined to say yes mainly because of the context, the suddenness with which it arose, and the intensity. Man, I love this spiritual growth stuff some days.

It’s time for a Singularity post! IEEE Spectrum has dedicated their latest issue to the Singularity. Let’s check out the highlights…

Vernor Vinge breaks it down:

In that event, I expect the singularity will come as some combination of the following:

The AI Scenario: We create superhuman artificial intelligence (AI) in computers.

The IA Scenario: We enhance human intelligence through human-to-computer interfaces—that is, we achieve intelligence amplification (IA).

The Biomedical Scenario: We directly increase our intelligence by improving the neurological operation of our brains.

The Internet Scenario: Humanity, its networks, computers, and databases become sufficiently effective to be considered a superhuman being.

The Digital Gaia Scenario: The network of embedded microprocessors becomes sufficiently effective to be considered a superhuman being.

A PDF who’s who of the Singularity. (There’s my crush, Eliezer!)

Christof Koch and Giulo Tononi contributed a very interesting article on the nature of consciousness. It explains:

To be conscious, then, you need to be a single integrated entity with a large repertoire of states. Let’s take this one step further: your level of consciousness has to do with how much integrated information you can generate. That’s why you have a higher level of consciousness than a tree frog or a supercomputer.

In suggesting that there are levels of consciousness (cue Mr. Wilber), we can conclude not only that something like AI or the Internet could take on human or higher consciousness, but that humans experience a range of consciousness and can expand it. Singularity research will help us understand what consciousness is and how it can be increased.

In general, a machine passes a Turing Test when it can convince a human that it too is human. This usually involves a high level of adaptability of response. For example, my pocket calculator can figure out square roots much more quickly than I can but it can’t make toast. It doesn’t even know what toast is. True intelligence requires not only depth of knowledge (which computers are very good at) but also breadth. Does higher intelligence equal higher consciousness? Does greater range of experience lead to greater consciousness? I think so. Expanding my comfort zone and pushing my edges feels like gaining greater consciousness. Every time I break through an edge I feel like a bigger, more inclusive being. Greater range is good for us and for computers as we all evolve towards higher understanding.

Note: Eliezer called this “IEEE Spectrum’s sad little attempt at Singularity coverage” so the articles might not be very interesting to those of you are big Singularity nerds. However, I think the idea was to acquaint a broader audience with the Singularity rather than hash out the nitty-gritty of Singularity theory.

I went to the doctor’s for a routine procedure the other day and was treated to a vasovagal reaction, which is a fancy way of saying my blood pressure dropped significantly and I was in danger of fainting.

This is interesting because it was achieved through physical stimulation of my vagus nerve, rather than whatever people usually faint from (blood? mice?). I’ve never fainted in my life so this was very trippy for me. I could not feel my arms or legs. I felt like I was dying. I felt like I wanted to die. I couldn’t talk. I was barely conscious of what was going on around me. My mind was cloudy and dreamy, but in a bad way. I was in a very negative space with no grounding.

This lasted about ten minutes during which the nurse came to watch over me. They said it was not uncommon, but they were definitely concerned. I tried to observe the experience from a detached, meditative space. This was partially successful in that I was able separate myself from the feeling, but I was still very attached to having it stop.

When I started coming back to normal, I felt incredibly happy and grateful to the Universe. I was very aware of my body and environment. It all seemed so wonderful and full of energy. It was a very strange feeling. I also had a very clear realization that I need to pursue a yogic spiritual practice rather than trying to force a Taoist practice. I have been very attached to finding a Taoist practice because I have gravitated towards Taoist philosophy since I was young. I haven’t been happy with the Taoist resources I’ve found (Tai Chi, Qi Gong) and I’ve been feeling stymied as a result. This vasovagal business seemed to clear a channel for me to release the Taoist attachment and really hear the message the Universe had for me. It was strange.

When I returned home from the doctor’s office, I Googled “vagus nerve”. I found that vagus nerve stimulation is used in experimental treatments for depression. This is interesting because in the wake of my episode I felt completely blissful and at peace with the Universe. My experience is a very good example of how our bodies and minds are intertwined in ways we are just beginning to understand.

It also helped convince me a need to really start meditating. I think I would have gotten much more out of the experience if I had been able to go into a true mindfulness meditation and observe my reaction.

As long as you are in control of what goes on inside of you, what happens on the outside carries much less weight.

A very important quote from a post at Psychology, Transformation & Freedom Papers.

In early December I went on a five day mindfulness- meditation retreat. It was a silent retreat at an idyllic retreat center. Because I was far way from from the noise and bustle of everyday life, I was able to relax deeply, confront anxiety and fear and reach some profound levels of awareness, bliss and peace. While I still plan to blog about this retreat, I don’t think it’s an experience that many people can relate to. “It’s great you got to sit on a cushion for 14 hours a day, I won’t be doing that any time soon,” is a common reaction. However, my recent trip from New Hampshire back home to San Francisco is just the kind of hassle-y nightmarish day we’ve all had and a perfect example of how to use mindfulness in your everyday life.

The day started off badly, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Then I had complications getting to the airport (that New Hampshire primary traffic really caused a back-up) and car sickness from all the windy roads and stop-and-go movement. Reeeealy late, I ran into the airport, filled with anxiety. Well my flight was three hours delayed (when are flights to O’Hare not delayed?) and I certainly would miss my connection. Luckily I got booked through Dulles and on to SF. I was scheduled to get back home at midnight (only an hour and half later than expected). Not surprisingly the six hour Dulles to SF flight was also delayed (they didn’t seem to have a reason). We finally boarded, but all was not well. Little “Caroline” sitting next to me was not amused with the delays. She started screeching, not in that baby-ish scared/sad way, but in the “I’m hella pissed and am going to shriek until my vocal cords are destroyed” way. It was loud. She has a promising career in the extreme metal scene. She also has stamina. I had several options at this point:

1. Try to ignore it and focus intensely on something else (which includes ignoring the frustration that accompanies the sound)
2. Feel frustrated, annoyed and angry. Feel (with the surging emotions, coursing through the body) why this has not been a good day and how airplanes are horrible.
3. Focus on thinking, try to forget about the negative feelings that accompany the sound. Remember why babies are horrible. Wonder why people have them. Go on a thought-tirade
4. Pay attention to the noise.

Option four is what I eventually chose and is simply another way of saying “practice mindfulness of sound.” The way this works is:

1. Stop what you are doing
2. Notice the sound.
3. Be interested in the sound
4. Listen fully to the sound.
5. Notice all the intricacies of the sound

After you have spent some time with the sound, then move on to noticing what reactions the sound is creating in you. Do you feel annoyed? Angry? Upset? Are you creating stories around the sound? Have your thoughts spun in a million directions? Perhaps you’ve decided that Caroline has a bad mother. The mother doesn’t know what she is doing. Maybe you have condemned her for bringing a child on board at all. (She should have known better!). Maybe you’re now thinking about your own parents and their foibles. Try to locate a spot or spots in your body where you feel the reaction to the sound. Are you clenching your jaw? Do you feel an overall tightness? Keep returning to the sound itself when you feel yourself distracted or overwhelmed. Caroline’s screeching is your home base (like the breath in meditation). Keep returning to that sound and noticing your reactions.

This worked quite well for me and the flight itself turned out to be fine. I was amazed at how much my annoyance at Caroline diminished when I practiced mindfulness of sound. However, you might not have that experience when practicing mindfulness of sound. It could happen where you actually feel more or worse when you pay attention– but this is part of the practice. What ever you pay attention to could feel stronger, weaker or stay the same. Try not to be attached to the outcome, but merely interested in what’s happening.

Just as a note, I didn’t merely get to go home after this… When I tried to get a shuttle home, a guy decided he didn’t like how the driver was handling his luggage and called the cops. Dealing with three cop cars and a lot of yelling took a while. Then I got stuck on a different shuttle and the folks didn’t know which hotel they were going to. So we drove all the way to San Francisco and then had to drive all the way back to the airport until we finally found their hotel. It was late, could even be called morning, when I crawled into bed. So, apologies if this post is a bit rambly.

Yesterday on the bus I got into a conversation about Ron Paul with a fellow commuter. We talked for awhile and somehow we got to the subject of healthcare and his struggle to stop drinking soda. Turns out, he has a website: Take A Break From Soda.

It’s a little spammy and I’ve only glanced at it so far (I don’t drink soda anyway), but I thought it might be useful to some people. The guy was very nice.

We’ve written and read a lot about goals: check out The Four Hour Work-Week or our previous goal post. I have a tendency to be skeptical of goals. I’ve had some great successes with personal goals and other times a great inability to get myself motivated for something that I was convinced was important. I didn’t really understand why this was until two events came together. I had a burning desire to accomplish a goal that I’d set for myself years ago but hadn’t had the motivation to do and I read Steve Pavlina’s article “Motivation for Smart People.”

Steve Pavlina’s article cleared up my previous confusion with goals. He writes:

When you set goals that are too small and too timid, you suffer a perpetual lack of motivation. Try all the emotional conditioning techniques you want, but you’re wasting your time. Deep down you already know the truth. You just need to summon the courage to acknowledge your true desires. Then you’ll have to deal with the self-doubt and fear that’s been making you think too small. There’s no getting around that if you want to experience lasting motivation. Ironically, the real key to motivation is to set goals that scare you.

It seems counter-intuitive that motivation may be highest when setting goals that lie outside your comfort zone, but I’ve seen this pattern too many times to discount it. Perhaps we have to set big, hairy, audacious goals in order to feel truly motivated. Maybe little goals just aren’t enough to trigger the release of motivational energy. If we think a goal is too easy, we won’t commit all our internal resources. It’s only when we set unreasonable goals that all our internal resources come online, including motivation and drive.

This immediately explained my previous goals, going to a tough college far from home, writing a 150 page thesis and learning Georgian. These things had all been personally audacious and ways out of my comfort zone. In fact, I was surrounded by people who told me I couldn’t accomplish them. This kind of prodding was just what I needed.

Steve’s discussion on emotional motivation and why it doesn’t work, explained my innate distrust of many goal setting strategies. I dislike inducing pumped up states of “go-get ‘em!” attitude in order to create motivation. That strategy has never been effective for me and caused much of my annoyance and railing against goal setting. He says:

Have you ever seen one of those rah-rah motivational speakers? If the speaker is good, s/he will have an emotional effect on you and get you to feel motivated. But within a day or two, that emotional boost fades away, and you’re back to normal. You can listen to hundreds of motivational speakers and experience an emotional yo-yo effect, but it doesn’t last.

I studied and practiced these kinds of emotional motivation techniques extensively during my 20s. In the long run, I didn’t find them particularly effective. My intellect saw right through all the chest pounding. The logical part of my mind was ultimately dissatisfied with attempts to induce motivation through emotional manipulation.

So I learned why I’d accomplished some of my goals in the past and learned why I disliked and distrusted most goal setting strategies that many people posit.

But how to explain my current situation? I now have a burning desire to study and take the GRE (the test to get into grad school). This may seem like quite a trifle, just study a bit, take the test and move on. However I’ve had the hardest time finding any motivation to study, despite many starts and plenty of free time. In fact I’ve been trying to study for this test for more than three years. Did all this hemming and hawing simply occur because the goal was too easy? I don’t think so. Because if so then I’d still have the same problem. The GRE hasn’t suddenly gotten any harder, so where did my motivation come from? Why now? And what does this mean?

The key is timing. I knew I’d eventually have to take the GRE and I figured it would be annoying, so I thought I’d just “get it over with.” It didn’t work. No matter how much I tried to pump myself up with rah-rah speeches or appealed to my rational self, pointing out I had lots of free time to study, I couldn’t keep it up. I didn’t have a burning desire to study for the GRE, even though I had the time.

We talked before about Yin and Yang, the idea that life is full of ebbs and flows comes out of this concept. The seasons flow from summer to autumn to winter to spring. The tides ebb and flow. The cycles of the moon wax and wane. The cells in our body are constantly changing and re-creating themselves. This give and take is an essential part of life. We have to keep this in mind, especially when we contemplate goals. This concept isn’t something we have a lot of practice with. Our society doesn’t exactly highly value time for reflection and relaxation. How many vacation days do you have a year? Now ask a friend in Europe how many they have.

We often try to create goals for ourselves when we’re in an ebb period. This will only cause us to meet resistance. This is exactly what happened with my GRE goal. I knew I was going to have to take it. My rational mind knew I had time for it, my emotions told me to study and get it over with, but I just couldn’t do it. The timing wasn’t right. I was ebbing and instead of just learning from that, I was constantly fighting against it and trying to make myself flow.

Next time you’re trying to make something happen, stop and reflect on what you’re doing. Is there something else at work? We can learn to trust that the time will come when we’re supposed to start working and we’ll know when that is. The key is to not only notice the ebb and flow but to embrace it.

I’m sick. My head is all stuffed up and I have a sore throat. Poor me!

Laura and I are constantly observing how mind, body and the universe are connected. We’ve noticed that during difficult times in out lives (Peace Corps depression) we were much more likely to get sick. So why am I sick today?

Lately I have been struggling with my place in the world, feeling like I’m not progressing and have no direction. I have been dwelling on this negative thought rather than enjoying where I am or even making positive changes to go forward. Often when we are doing to much, not getting enough sleep, our bodies will get sick to make us slow down and get some rest. I have been getting plenty of rest lately, but my mind has been going in a million directions at once. I have been getting down on myself and life in general. I think my body said, “You want to cry? I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Please keep in mind, I am talking about small illnesses like a sinus infection or the flu, not cancer. These little illnesses are just enough to disrupt our daily lives and make us feel pretty miserable for a few days. But maybe they are blessings in disguise. Here are the steps I have taken to deal with being sick:

1. Figure out exactly what feels bad in my body: sinuses.
2. Notice if this is a repetitive problem and when it generally arises: repetitive for me, always stress related.
3. Locate the source of stress, is it physical or mental? What is causing the stress? (See above.)
4. Notice the stressor and take steps to alleviate it: Calm my mind and work on the tasks I have in front of me instead of worrying about where I’ll be in five years.
5. Drink lots of water, take a vitamin, and go to bed early, in short, relax and recharge.

I know stress makes me sick, so the most important thing I can do to get well is remove the stressor. I can avoid getting sick by keeping stress at a minimum. If you have chronic small illnesses, the stressor may be larger than you realize. When I was working an office job where I sat still in front of a computer for eight hours a day, I was sick all the time. I had never had such frequent illnesses before in my life. When I quit the job, I stopped getting sick. Think of a time in your life when you seemed to get sick often. Was there a particular stressor that may have caused it?

Being sick or feeling sick is another clue pointing us to investigate our situation. When I’m unhappy or ignoring the clues my mind and self are giving me, I get sick. So, the secret to good health? Investigating ourselves and our situation.

Today I learned all about Ron Paul. Initially I was very closed, I didn’t want to learn about him or have to rethink any of my political viewpoints. I heard he was conservative and pro-life, reason enough for me to discount him totally. I like liberal politicians. Certainly I could never support someone who wasn’t pro civil liberties, especially all the liberties I care about. I had already decided, I wanted to support my Alma Mater and go with Hillary. We need more women in power and obviously anyone who went to the best college in the world must be amazing. Why should I even bother listening to a word old Ron has to say?

Pretty soon though, I found myself immersed in the Republican debates on YouTube. I was thinking, what about our current foreign policy? What do I think about radical policy makers, especially a fringe politician with a more-than-just-cult-like internet following?

Well this isn’t a political blog post and I certainly don’t have any answers about who to vote for in 2008. This is instead a post about our comfort zones. My experience with Ron Paul today was the perfect example of expanding a comfort zone. Initial rigidity and negativity with a lot of “I” statements (I don’t like conservatives, He isn’t my type of politician), followed by slow realization of my prejudices and unwillingness to re-examine my ideas. Just about every self-help and popular guru will tell you that breaking out of routines, unconscious habits and our insular comfort zones is one of the best ways to grow (spiritually, intellectually, personally).

As we live we gather up a set of habits, beliefs (or ideologies) and routines. These keep us in our “comfort zone.” However staying in our comfort zone at all times does not provide a fertile medium for growth or reaching our best potentials. These habits and routines become so ingrained in our daily experience that they often fall into our unconscious. Pretty soon they are determining for us what we can or cannot do (or even try!). We’ll be stuck in the “comfort zone” or rut, in a state of mild fear (which is our ego telling us we need to stay in our routine in order to be safe and happy). Stagnation and ruts don’t sound exciting for anyone.

A great way to over come this is to try something new. Even our extremely successful habits and comfort zone routines will lose their use fullness as we change and grow. Continuing to try new things in new circumstances is a great way to expose our routines. If we keep trying new things we’ll eventually adapt. The more things we try the sooner we can let go of old routines and habits that have lost their usefulness.

Life Hack’s article on just this explains further:

Understand the truth about your habits. They always represent past successes. You have formed habitual, automatic behaviors because you once dealt with something successfully, tried the same response next time, and found it worked again. That’s how habits grow and why they feel so useful. To get away from what’s causing your unhappiness and workplace blues, you must give up on many of your most fondly held (and formerly successful) habits. and try new ways of thinking and acting

At first I was totally closed to the idea of learning anything about politicians outside of my “zone”. I didn’t want to hear a thing about them. My mind was made up. Slowly though, a small part of me warned, “What if you’re being willfully ignorant? Can it really hurt you to learn more?” Thankfully, I listened to this little voice. Now I am more informed in general and that doesn’t mean I have to change my mind, just challenge my assumptions. It’s scary to reevaluate, because sometimes we identify so much with our ideas and beliefs that revisiting them seems like we are challenging our very souls. This is merely our scared ego talking. We grow by trying new things, learning about new things and contemplating new concepts.

I’ll leave you with some suggestions from Steve Pavlina about how to expand your comfort zone each and every day:

Routine is important for providing stability and security, but it should only provide the outer shell for tackling novel challenges each day. Push yourself to take in new input, the likes of which you’ve never previously experienced, and you will become smarter. Ideally you’ll want to tackle something new and non-routine at least once a day. Read a new book, listen to a new song, walk around a new location, meet a new person, eat at a new restaurant, play a new game, install new software – do something that provides fresh, new input to your mind.

Over the next several days, begin to consciously recognize how your mind uses invariant representations in everything you do. Notice the labels you assign to people, objects, and activities, such as boss, faucet, and paperwork. Notice what other labels you associatively link to those representations. Pay special attention to those representations that involve your identity. How do you label yourself? Begin to question some of those representations. Are they accurate? Could any of them be holding you back? How can you consciously improve upon those representations?