Man oh man. Crazy day yesterday. Let me tell you all about it.

After a day of reluctant Tao-following, I had a particularly intense and upsetting conversation about the Universe with my friend D. I had a whole story running around my brain about how I had betrayed someone and made them feel bad. Lots of guilt. So in the course of trying to show me how feeling guilty is totally unnecessary for an infinite being, D starts in on the Universe being meaningless and it’s meaningless that it’s meaningless, etc. Ug.

I don’t do well with meaningless meaninglessness or nothing-nothing. Meaning vs. meaninglessness or nothing vs. something, I can deal with. Nothing-nothing is a very unpleasant place for me. (Yeah yeah, welcome to the non-dual, I know…)

I’m freaking out about this, literally bracing myself against the car repeating, “There is something, there is something…” Coupled with my guilt inducing story of betrayal, not a happy evening.

I finally get out of the car and in this ugly haze get home to see A, the person I supposedly betrayed. Come to find out, the Universe took care of him too. He had not been waiting around for me, but was out with his friend having a great time. Upon finding this out, something snapped into view for me and I could see exactly how the Universe orchestrated the entire day. There was something but that fact was nothing in and of itself. It was nothing for there to be something. Or something…

My body freaked out at this point. I sort of went limp and A had to hold me in his lap for a few minutes. Then I was getting ready to cry over the whole thing but as I started to sob a giggle came out instead. I started laughing uncontrollably and laughing hard. I could barely breathe. It felt like I was melting away. A sort of put his legs across me to ground me. I could feel currents of energy running through my body and out my hands. I kept putting them near his face and cackling, “Can you feel it? Can you feel the energy?” It was completely insane.

Finally I came down and was able to function and talk. I’m still feeling a bit giddy over the whole thing today. Pretty neat.

Was it a “peak experience“? I’m inclined to say yes mainly because of the context, the suddenness with which it arose, and the intensity. Man, I love this spiritual growth stuff some days.