I’ve come across an interesting story in various articles about the Dalai Lama learning about Western self-hatred. It was a totally new concept to him when he first arrived in the West:

When I first heard the word “self-hatred” and was first exposed to the concept of self-hatred, I was quite surprised and taken aback. The reason why I found it quite unbelievable is that as practicing Buddhists, we are working very hard to overcome our self-centered attitude, and selfish thoughts and motives. So to think of the possibility of someone hating themselves, not cherishing oneself, was quite unbelievable.

This is yet another example of the differing focal points of Buddhism and Taoism. The Dalai Lama went on to say:

For people who have the problem of self-hatred or self-loathing, for the time being it is advisable that they not think seriously about the suffering nature of existence or the underlying unsatisfactory nature of existence. Rather they should concentrate more on the positive aspects of existence, such as appreciating the potentials that lie within oneself as a human being, the opportunities that one’s existence as a human being affords. In the traditional teaching, one speaks about all the qualities of a fully endowed human existence. By reflecting upon these opportunities and potentials, one will be able to increase one’s sense of worth and confidence.

The approach that the Dalai Lama is recommending is very much aligned with the Taoist tradition. This is the same divergence I wrote about before. Laura’s dissatisfaction with the world makes her more comfortable beginning from an inner space working outward, as in Buddhism. This orientation also matches with her Enneagram type 9. My dissatisfaction with myself makes me more comfortable beginning from an outer space working inward, as in Taoism. This orientation matches my Enneagram type 1. This fundamental divergence can be see in terms of yin and yang, Ken Wilber’s four quadrant model, etc.

The Dalai Lama is advocating a personalized approach to spirituality that address the individual’s strengths and weaknesses. Many Buddhist practices could aggravate self-loathing tendencies because of their focus on suffering. I think it is very important for us to take an honest look at the problematic areas of our psyches so that we can each find the spiritual path that will help us come into the light as a whole person. If we choose a path or practice that fuels our personal demons, it will be difficult to progress on the path to enlightenment.

That is not to say that Buddhism, or any path, cannot be adapted to fit the individual’s needs. Buddhist loving kindness meditation could be a great place to start for people who suffer from self-hatred, as this practitioner describes.