I went to the doctor’s for a routine procedure the other day and was treated to a vasovagal reaction, which is a fancy way of saying my blood pressure dropped significantly and I was in danger of fainting.

This is interesting because it was achieved through physical stimulation of my vagus nerve, rather than whatever people usually faint from (blood? mice?). I’ve never fainted in my life so this was very trippy for me. I could not feel my arms or legs. I felt like I was dying. I felt like I wanted to die. I couldn’t talk. I was barely conscious of what was going on around me. My mind was cloudy and dreamy, but in a bad way. I was in a very negative space with no grounding.

This lasted about ten minutes during which the nurse came to watch over me. They said it was not uncommon, but they were definitely concerned. I tried to observe the experience from a detached, meditative space. This was partially successful in that I was able separate myself from the feeling, but I was still very attached to having it stop.

When I started coming back to normal, I felt incredibly happy and grateful to the Universe. I was very aware of my body and environment. It all seemed so wonderful and full of energy. It was a very strange feeling. I also had a very clear realization that I need to pursue a yogic spiritual practice rather than trying to force a Taoist practice. I have been very attached to finding a Taoist practice because I have gravitated towards Taoist philosophy since I was young. I haven’t been happy with the Taoist resources I’ve found (Tai Chi, Qi Gong) and I’ve been feeling stymied as a result. This vasovagal business seemed to clear a channel for me to release the Taoist attachment and really hear the message the Universe had for me. It was strange.

When I returned home from the doctor’s office, I Googled “vagus nerve”. I found that vagus nerve stimulation is used in experimental treatments for depression. This is interesting because in the wake of my episode I felt completely blissful and at peace with the Universe. My experience is a very good example of how our bodies and minds are intertwined in ways we are just beginning to understand.

It also helped convince me a need to really start meditating. I think I would have gotten much more out of the experience if I had been able to go into a true mindfulness meditation and observe my reaction.